Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Daily Dollfaces

Poor Jennifer Love Hewitt! One day she's standing in the ocean in a bikini and the next day everyone is looking at her cellulite. Well, it makes me feel so much better about my own body. Oh goodness, she has a REAL body!

Anne Hathaway chopped her hair. See, Posh is making everyone cut their hair like hers!

I always wonder what I would look like in full glamour makeup like Dita Von Teese?

Well, if its one thing I learned from watching Tim Gunn's Guide to Style it's dressing to suit your figure and this does nothing nada zilch zip for Julianne Moore. But you can't deny her beauty.

You have to be kidding me! She can feed her kids sodie pop and rot their teeth and bring them out with unwashed hair and pink eye. She makes me look like MILF of the Year.

Her knees look filthy. Yeah, I know it's the light but I bet those pajama bottoms haven't seen a washing machine, ever.

Everytime I see Blake Lively I think, that girl is younger, much cuter version of me.

She's what I want to look like when I gaze into the mirror. Did I say much cuter? I meant she looks nothing like me.

Perfection. She's a dollface. I bet she never looks in the mirror and thinks, "Im so ugly!"

Everytime I see a photo of Kristin Davis, I think, "There is NO WAY she is in her forties!" This is the first picture I have seen where she does look her age. But she looks great!

Maggie "Cabbage Patch Doll" Gyllenhaal.

Remember how they gave Cabbage Patch Dolls those funky names?

Sometimes I feel so out of place living in southern California with natural boobs. I used to think that maybe I should have them enlarged so I look like Posh Spice? But then she goes and flattens them out. Now I know I should keep my chest the way it is, untouched by a surgeon's hands.

Awww, if you saw this poor little pipsqueak on the street, wouldn't your maternal instinct kick in and you would wrap her in a blanket, comb her hair with a lice tool, dip her in a hot bath with Clorox and give her ten dollars to buy a hot meal?

Finally, someone wears leggings with a long shirt! Great job Rhianna. Now I forgive you for that

Umbrella, umbrella, umbrella, umbrella song.

Where has Tea Leoni been hiding? Awesome color scarf!

Uma Thurman goes for a natural look here. I'm guessing she is wearing Pur Naturals lipstick by Yves St Laurent. It's a great neutral shade. Doesn't Ethan Hawke dress like a hobo? I can't believe those two were together.

I want to know the status of the Janis Joplin movie being filmed, starring Zooey Deschanel! I love Janis. I always belt out Me and Bobby McGee when I'm cleaning. I mean, when Im giving the cleaning lady her orders.

Important things I learned today:

Zac Efron is making over $3 million for High School Musical III. Poor Vanessa Hudgens is only making $1.75. Maybe she can buy some new camera equipment? The whole cast will be back, YAY. But this is the last film, no more HS Musicals after this one.

Jennifer Lopez is having twins and she is pigging out and getting very big. She is eating chips and salsa and drinking orange soda every day.

People on the subway in New York City were left gasping for clean air, even urine scented air, after a dirty Heath Ledger vacated his seat. Apparently he stinks so bad that even the dank subway air was a pleasant fragrance compared to his unwashed odor. Maybe he is trying to catch Britney's attention?

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