Thursday, April 17, 2008

Daily Dollfaces

Penny's makeup looks great! She is stunning. Remember when she was employed as Tom Cruise's girlfriend? I bet she's grateful for getting out of that contract. The only thing that came out of their relationship was that stink bomb, Vanilla Sky.
I hear Ashlee is pregnant! I don't think you can flatiron a newborn baby's hair. She and Pete will have to change their coifs when the baby comes so everyone matches. I'm thinking curls.

Oh Mary Kate! Let's talk about the toilet cozy around her head! Why not go all the way and wear a turban? She must have been rummaging around in the old Dynasty wardrobe department to dig up that fossil of a dress.

Spock sleeves. Very Xenu couture. For someone who proclaims to love fashion, Posh makes some bad sartorial choices.

This is the color for the spring/summer as demonstrated by Uma. I am all over orange this season. The dress is a bit baggy but who am I to criticise as I sit here in slippers and green shorts?
Let the baby rumors begin! No, Vince Vaughn is NOT pregnant despite this telling photo.

The outfit was bad enough without adding insult to injury with those red pumps. It's very "Michael Jackson, Beat It" isn't it? A Members Only jacket and white glove would complete the look.

HOW DO YOU get skin that perfect? Dita, please tell me!
Dita Von Teese is flawless. I want to know all her skin care secrets. I love how she always, always looks like she stepped out of a film set from the 1940's.
Friends, we need to talk. I need you to recognize that leggings are not pants. They are meant to be worn under short skirts or shorts. I've seen numerous starlets don these Lycra blended undergarments and head out the door to grab a non fat mocha at the Coffee Bean. Please stop the madness.
I hold Lindsay Lohan, she of the bloated face and crimped hair in the above photo, responsible. Leggings are NOT flattering unless you don't have hips. More than that, its akin to going outside wearing nothing but a bra and a pair of underpants with high heels.

Here's Dana Delaney, remember her on China Beach? I loved her in that show. And I loved that show even though I was a young teenager when it was on. She looks great, healthy and glowing, in this picture.
When I was a young lass on the party circuit, I would apply full face makeup and head out for a night of dancing and multiple vodka tonics. Near the end of the night, I would make the inevitable trip to the bathroom and stare at myself in half drunken horror when the reflection, not unlike Courtney Love's face above, stared back at me. I'd see smeared makeup, faded lipstick, eyeshadow that had creased, reddened eyes and clumpy mascara. My hair flat from sweat, I'd be a sight and not a pretty one. But no matter what, I'd always floss my teeth and brush before bed. I doubt Courtney shares the same bedtime habit.