Friday, June 20, 2008

Daily Dollfaces

If the costumes from Star Trek and Battlefield Earth mated, this dress would be the result. Tyra isn't smiling with her eyes which brings down the whole ensemble.

This photo of Gwyneth is causing speculation that she might have a bun in her Viking range oven. But really, can't someone simply have a bagel bloat? My tummy looks like that all the time and Im certainly not pregnant.

I love a white sundress for hazy summer days like Halle Berry's. Where's the baby? I want to see her daughter, I bet she is beautiful.
Does she or doesn't she have butt implants? Kim Kardashian and her sister poolside.

This is how you do a red carpet. Charlize Theron is beyond gorgeous in this floral frock.

All right Jennifer Aniston. We need to talk. With gas prices so high and environmental concerns in the forefront of almost everyone's mind, we need to discuss the enormous gas guzzling Range Rover you drive. It would be most economical and such a great example if you were to trade that bad boy in for something like...oh, maybe a Prius? The 2009 models are really sweet and we know you can afford to buy one for John Mayer, me and Courteney Cox. So how about it?
We's in Kentwood y'all! And I's got spots on mah shirt and cap-ree pants with mah boots!

Reese Witherspoon looks so summery and fresh in her white dress and heels. Do you think she ever has moments of drinking too much wine, swallowing extra Xanax in moments of self pity and wondering about boarding a plane with nothing but a one way ticket to ...somewhere? Not know.. not that I ever do things like that.

Wow there's so much going on in Rachel Zoe's jigsaw puzzle of a dress. I see patterns and heiroglyphics that even the best code crackers would give up on.

Why hello there Palm Beach socialite! Have we met before? I believe it was at a canasta game and you were wearing the mink turban? I was the one with the bell bottom pant suit drinking a martini. We shimmied to disco tunes all night long and re-enacted the old Studio 54 days.

See this gorgeous creature? Karolina Kurkova is her name and people were commenting on her jiggly buttocks and cellulite thighs. hello! Isn't she near perfection? Wouldn't we be thrilled to look like her on any given day?

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos. Cute couple! I love her coif. It's very windswept!

When I saw this photo of Mario Lopez posing, it reminded me of a Shar-pei. Not because Mario is necessarily a dog, but because his tummy looks all bunched up like the wrinkles of the pup. He doesn't have to bare all, thats quite okay if he keeps it all on.

Not sure of the dress-shirt thing. But I do love the shoes. You have to be careful with these because the gladiator look tends to look chunky and cuts off the leg. Fergie's been messing with the self tanning lotion, no?

Eve looks great and I adore the tatoos she has on her chest. Really, not many people can pull off the paw prints. Take me for example, it would be ridiculous! But she rocks it.
Duff Stuff! Have you had enough Duff? Duff squared- Hilary and her sister Haylie are two starlets out on the town. I'm not a Haylie fan but I did like her in Napoleon Dynamite.
Christina needs to remove the layers upon layers on caked- on makeup. My face would feel so heavy with all that spackle on it, it would droop like a Basset Hound! Sandblasting that hard core foundation off would be like power washing my house.

Anne Hathaway in a heavy pocketed dress. Its sort of like a trench coat- dress- hybrid. It's too much fabric for my taste. But I like the shorter hair! I'm glad she lost the excess- I'm talking about her check bouncing boyfriend.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your comments are sooo funny. But as for Kim K (seen that picture around, last week)...if anyone else would wear a 2 piece with that tush, we'd be snickering behind her back. She's pretty and famous and gets away with it. Wanna see less of Ma K though; hate stewardesses since the luv of my life married one.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Toya said...

I have no idea if Kim has butt implants, but I know I could do without seeing her crack. Lord.

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