Monday, November 17, 2008

Daily Dollfaces

Heidi Klum: It's all good until you scroll down and see the patterned tights. Even so, they wouldn't be so bad with the cocktail dress if her legs weren't capped with those hideous shoes! They have a heel and a wedge. I might be able to replicate those shoes in my wood shop.
Tom Cruise can wear a pair so he'll be taller than Katie. Good idea!


Why can't I be invited to a party where you get all glammed up and wear mink stoles, silk gloves and red lipstick? Katherine Heigl and her hubby look like they are from another era- one I'd like to live in for a while.
On second thought, her husband kind of looks like he's about to introduce the bearded lady under the big top. Ta dah!

Salma Hayek and her adorable bambina, Valentina. Her shoes look slightly orthopedic. I think they might be fitness shoes so I'll cut her a break. Plus her baby daddy is a billionaire. Talk about a sugar daddy!

Isla Fischer is so cute. Would you like an escort to your car too? I'm going to insist on a personal security detail next time I'm at Target/7-11/Walmart.

Punky Bewster aka Soliel Moon Frye. Love her! Her dress looks like a jacket but the color is fantastic. She's gorgeous in real life, super tiny but so pretty. Remember her brother, Meeno Peluce? I've probably spelled it wrong but don't bother correcting me, okay?

What is this? Becki Newton needs a wide belt to give the dress shape. I demand to know why Rachel Zoe isn't on the scene? The dress has potential but it offers no definition on the waist. I think it would make a cute top. Pair it with jeans...yes. Leggings, maybe.

Sarah Jessica Parker demonstrates what I don't miss about the east coast- the cold! You have to go outside in a warm puffy jacket, lined boots, a hat, scarf, tuck some mittens in your pockets...look incredibly un-cute and un-sexy. Your nose gets red and your ears start to hurt. The icy wind blows and before you know it, you have snot dripping from your nostrils. Your hands are bright red and your cheeks sting...and I haven't even touched on how you have to scrape ice and snow from the car before you go anywhere.
I'm totally adopting this pose for the holiday cards this year. Just wait and watch. I think Paris Hilton must have six hundred pairs of pumps in her closet. Is there another shoe that reminds you of a secretary besides the pump? I like straps, stilettos, buckles, flats, bows, buttons, embroidery, leopard prints...anything but the basic solid colored pump.

uh oh...here's Lindsay pre-flour dousing. Bravo to Peta for finding something a little less offensive than red paint to throw on unsuspecting fur wearers. Just so you know, I only wear faux fur. So should you see me strolling the streets of Southern California, done up in a luxurious fox stole wearing my mink turban, and chinchilla eyelashes, please realize that it's all faux. I'm an expert at faking it!

Did you see this- Madonna left the kids in Guy's care and gave him a list a mile long about what the kids could and couldnt do/wear/eat. I believe their precious lips are only allowed to drink Kabbalah water (is there any other kind? Fiji? Bah!), they can eat only macrobiotic (no In n' Out burgers for them! No Krispy Cremes), no television ( not even Animal Planet?), synthetic fibers are not permitted (who doesn't love polyester?) and can only listen to music that will fill them with spirituality and peace.
No mirrors, photographs. Their cleansing ritual is to be performed by an ordained Kabablahalaa minister on a daily basis which again, calls for Kabbahlaha water and soap made from a group of monks dwelling in the far east. Okay, I made the last few sentences up but I had you going, didn't I?

Kate Hudson looks cute....

....I love the color of the dress. It's vibrant and gorgeous. But again with the pumps! Strappy shoes! Maybe something in silver. With a huge silver cuff around the wrist. Perhaps some brighter lipstick and a huge ring with a pink stone. Uh, Kate..call me!

Yes on the shoes! No on the crumpled tissue of a dress. I'm sure Gwyneth dropped a ton of cash on the dress (if it's not borrowed, that is) but I might have been able to find something cuter at Marshalls or even Forever21! Girls like me and Gwyneth, we need to stay away from strapless tops like that one. Not flattering at all! It needs about four solid inches on the bottom too.
In comparison to the girl from that reality show that I never watched and the Kardashian sisters, I'd look like a sad sack middle aged soccer mom in need of Botox and a week or two of detox. I'll never stand in the midst of these bikini clad cuties!

If you are the owner of a pair of fine gams like Chloe Sevigny, then go ahead and show them off. While the outfit looks a little retro 80's- Chess Kind/Canadians of the mall era-, I like the leopard print shoes and I applaud the orange-red lipstick.

Killer bod!
Love Chloe's unique look, I always say it but its true. She's not your typical cookie cutter blonde bombshell airhead starlet wannabe and I say thank you Chloe!
Good Lord, Amanda Bynes! What did you do to your lips? Amanda is really adorable, loved her in Hairspray. Loved her in that movie where she played a guy in order to get on the soccer team. Im not loving the fact that she's tampering with her face. Hon, there's plenty of time for that once you hit 35.

Cute, Ali Larter. I'm not a fan of the pleated skirt though- looks a wee bit short in the back. She couldn't bend over withouth giving us a peep show. Then I get to the boots and while I like them and might even be convinced to wear them, I think they make the legs look stubby. A shoe for pants, not skirts. Almost an elfin bootie.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sticking up for the east coast (re:SJP blog), yes it's freezing here with a chance of snow showers. And that's the *north*east, not the southeast:) But we do not have mudslides, earthquakes (well, rarely), fires that go on for weeks, etc., etc. Living in Paradise, CA, has its price.

7:50 AM  
Blogger Joanna said...

I hate the NE weather. Lived there all my life. Hated it!

As far as your fashion comments go... What can I say? My 9am glass of champagne clinks your Margarita glass with a mighty HERE! HERE!

9:11 AM  
Blogger Amanda Ashby said...

Cindy, you are seriously the funniest person in the world and I'm getting majorly addicted to Daily Dollface!!!!

3:42 PM  
Anonymous Liz@thisfullhouse said...

A half-a-glass of wine, a little music and Cindy's "Daily Dollfaces" is all I need to call it a good day!

7:00 PM  
Anonymous Ida said...

Living in CA is like living in heaven and I do love to live my life here always but yes there are some problems too that we people face as in mudslides and many more.

5:40 PM  

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