Sunday, July 26, 2009

Surgery

Right up until I was in the operating room, I kept thinking, "Do I need to have this done? What am I doing?" I wondered about sending the wrong message to my kids. If you don't like your face, do you run off and get plastic surgery? Is that what I'm teaching them? Before I went to have the surgery, I sat my kids down and told them about how I made a very poor choice when I was younger. The choice to have a nose job by an inexperienced (or just a bad) doctor who ultimately cost me money, breathing troubles, and years of unhappiness. I certainly don't want to allow them to think that because they may not be perfect, they need to fix their appearance. They are perfect to me, of course.

Its kind of a slippery slope, talking about plastic surgery. Had I never gone for that first surgery, who knows if I would have ultimately had surgery at all. Just because I had a big nose with a bump, did that automatically make me ugly? Did I allow school taunts and teasing to affect me as an adult, should I have been stronger and more confident? Was it because I started reading fashion magazines when I was eleven and began dreaming of beauty, maybe subconsciously comparing myself to Linda Evangelista and Christy Turlington?

Who knows what kind of mental component goes along with the desire to change ones appearance? And drastically in some cases. All I wanted was to have a slightly smaller nose.

Fourteen years ago I underwent that nose job hoping to look like a more refined version of myself. I never went in thinking I would come out as someone else. Ten years ago I needed surgery to rebuild what the first doctor did. Taking all that cartilage from my ear, he basically filleted the material over the bridge of my nose and sewed it up. Not using any finesse or structure, it ended up being a poorly executed idea. I found this out after my surgery on Wednesday. I had a build up of scar tissue and simply a real mess inside my nose.

I waited for many years, thinking and weighing my options, reading up on surgeons, trying to decide what was best for me. I visited a few different doctors. I didn't want to live with this big, uneven nose that wasn't like my original nose. I've talked about shying away from the camera, a subtle back away as someone brings out a video camera. Vacation photos where I'm missing from the shots. Rare pictures of me with my kids. Always wondering if people make judgements on me based on looks. Superficial? Ridiculous? Maybe.

I gave it lots of time before I seriously considered having revision rhinoplasty. My husband and I fought over it many time. I wondered how could he not see that I needed something done? Never mind the headaches and constantly stuffy nose. I hate fighting and will apologize just to be done with arguing but not this time. Even now, with it done and over, he's unhappy that I did it.

When I met Nadine in October and she told me about the great plastic surgeons she worked for, I took it as a sign. Sometimes I feel that things aren't meant to be unless all pieces fall into place. It just so happened that I met a fellow beauty blogger in Los Angeles who happened to work for surgeons who specialized in exactly what I needed. There happened to be an opening for surgery before my kids went back to school. The financing fell into place, a low interest rate bank loan. Everything went smoothly.

The surgery took over three hours. I was a nervous wreck beforehand. The nurse, who had been through this surgery by these very same doctors assured me everything would be fine. The doctors talked to me as I drifted off into an anesthesia induced sleep.

I really, really like the surgeons. Here is their site, make sure to read their informative blog by the way. The doctors took their time with me, answered every question, called after the surgery to make sure I was okay and checked on me the next day. Took great care of me, really couldn't have been better. The support from the office staff was top notch. I'm very grateful everything went as well as it did. The bandages come off on Tuesday and I'm hoping for nothing more than a straight, nicely structured nose that will allow me to breathe normally.

The funny thing is that Sunset Towers, where the doctors are located, houses many plastic surgeons. Roaming around you will see people in various stages of bandaging. To see a woman with a bandaged on her nose and two bruised, puffy eyes is not uncommon. No one bats an eye.

Of course, there's been swelling, bruising, feeling super tired (thanks Vicodin!), and generally feeling kind of down and lazy but that is to be expected. Since I've been through this before, I know that the swelling will continue to go down as the days progress. I've been taking pictures to document this time.

Thank you for your support and good wishes...I felt them this week.

13 Comments:

Blogger Summer-Lovin said...

I always loved your blog, but it's inspiring to get to know you as a person. Thank you for sharing this with us, I can't begin to imagine what it's like for you, but you have so much support and love behind you! Including mine, of couuuurse! All the best along your journey <3
Summer B. from http://arabiandream.onsugar.com

7:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you so much! I appreciate your comment and love..xoxoox Cindy

3:16 PM  
Anonymous Doreen said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us, and I'm glad that you had a good experience so far with the plastic surgeons. Best wishes for you and your family!

7:18 AM  
Blogger nika said...

i mean i really feel like if you are even thinking about this it means you are a good mom and a good citizen of the world...i think self-awareness is a great thing :)

nika
www.sweettlakonthespot.com

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